twitter will kill us all!

CHICAGO

News of a deadly outbreak sends millions panicking. Countries are put on high alert as the spread of mysterious, deadly toxin multiplies.

"It's only a matter of time before twitter will kill you and everyone you know." said Dr. Paul Rathburg, a University professor who is the spokesman for the World Health Organization.

Contact with, or even being in the proximity of twitter is known to trigger acute merman syndrome, uncurable shitty purse, explosive hepatitis Q, and a deadly soup of bacteria called hepatitis Q that shoots out of your nostrils.

"We now know that twitter will kill, again and again and again, until none of us are left."

The first victim, "Victim Zero", was a young man who had a web design job, and worked for a well respected university. "He was perfectly fine when he went to work." Rathburg said in a telephone interview.

"After about 15 minutes, he had a case of anal face and collapsed on the floor. The autopsy clearly indicates he died from exposure to twitter." Rathburg would not disclose the man's name or the precise place and time of his death for privacy reasons.

"Victim Zero" had perfect health. He had made four visits to his doctor in the year before his death for treatment of shitty purse. Rathburg mentions that there may not be a connection between the two incidents, but the WHO is investigating.

From this seemingly insignificant exposure, twitter spread death quickly; killing most of the town. An emergency team was assembled in response to the situation, organized by Rathburg.

"We are almost certain we've contained twitter, however the perimeter could be breached without any notice. We believe this is an international issue and it should be treated as a very serious problem. Nothing we know of can prevent future deaths." Dr. Rathburg stressed.

Exposure to twitter is fatal, and scientists warn everyone to keep away from twitter.

"twitter may be the most horrible thing I have ever witnessed. There's no doubt, twitter will kill us all." Rathburg said as he sobbed into the telephone.